What do Pastors ask in Premarital Counselling?
Pastors in premarital counselling sessions, particularly those using programs like "Prepare and Enrich," focus on equipping couples for a lifelong commitment by exploring various aspects of their relationship through a faith-integrated lens. The goal is preventative, helping couples understand their strengths and weaknesses before marriage, rather than trying to fix existing issues once married.
Here's a breakdown of what pastors typically ask and cover:
The Premarital Counselling Process
Initial Assessment: The process often begins with each partner independently completing a 150-question survey. This survey covers various aspects of the relationship without revealing the categories to the couple beforehand.
Report Synthesis: The "Prepare and Enrich" program then synthesises these responses into a report, which guides a minimum of four sessions with the couple and the counsellor.
Session Structure: Each session typically delves into two of the eight key categories identified in the report. These sessions combine conceptual discussions with practical exercises.
Key Areas Explored in Sessions
The sessions focus on critical aspects of the relationship, including:
Communication: How the couple interacts and expresses themselves. Practical techniques for dialoguing may be introduced.
Conflict Resolution: How disagreements are handled and resolved.
Sexual Expectations: Discussions around intimacy within a Christian framework, acknowledging that God created sexuality and it should not be a taboo topic.
Attitudes of Family and Friends: This includes understanding the impact of one's family of origin (the family system they grew up in) and how their families continue to play a role in the marriage. Counsellors explore potential tensions arising from differing family backgrounds and expectations, especially noting that in Australia, Western individualism tends to influence marriage attitudes more than direct parental authority, though respecting parents remains a Christian value.
Partner Habits: Understanding individual behaviours and routines.
Spiritual Beliefs: This is a crucial distinction in Christian premarital counselling, covering topics such as prayer, church attendance, and how they might want to raise children in the faith.
Financial Management: Examining how the couple approaches finances and practical ways to manage them, potentially including exercises on budgeting.
Unique Christian Emphasis
Christian premarital counselling distinctively integrates faith and spirituality:
Theology of Marriage: It explores the biblical understanding of marriage as a covenant, viewing it as a higher call than secular societal views and as a metaphor for Christ and the church.
Commitment over Compatibility: While compatibility is considered important, the theological framework emphasises steadfast commitment as foundational, recognising that people change over time and that true hope is found in God, not solely in a spouse. Couples are asked if they would still marry their partner even if their most annoying habit never changed.
Non-Prescriptive Use of Scripture: Scripture is used to engage with theological "paradigms" such as identity and the character of God, helping clients understand their beliefs without unhelpfully applying out-of-context verses. Prayer is also welcomed in sessions if desired by the client.
Ideal Timing and Misconceptions
The ideal time for premarital counselling is when a couple is seriously considering marriage, whether they are dating and exploring engagement or are already engaged. It is considered "very wise" to do so before engagement to allow for key realisations. Married couples can also undertake a modified version of the process as a "health check" on their relationship.
A common misconception is that seeking premarital counselling means something is inherently "wrong" with the relationship or that the couple is on the "brink of divorce". However, the approach highlights that no couple is perfect, and all relationships have areas for growth. Seeking counselling is presented as a sign of true strength and a proactive step towards a healthier, more resilient marriage. The environment is designed to be a non-judgmental space where couples can openly discuss their challenges.
Ready to take this important step?
Contact Life to the Full today to learn more and schedule your sessions.